You save yourself..or….

You save yourself…or you remain unsaved.- remarked Alice Sebold, and this was in connection to that one horror word- ‘Rape’.

Suddenly, why this post? Oh, wait… India has been once again shaken up due to rape. ‘#Delhigangrape.

Yes, after months of the Assam molestation case, Indian once again shuddered due to a similar case. This time a gangrape of girl child in Delhi.  What a shame. An incident needs to happen, to wake up a country suddenly from its slumber. So, this country wakes up only when some incident happens. Tweets pouring in. #Stopthisshame is the latest trending topic on Twitter. Everyone wants to suddenly blog about it, get $0.02 space in leading newspapers, magazines and debate on national T.V shows.  Suddenly the elite of the country (including the media) wakes up. They’ve found a new topic. #Stopthisshame . One more country to slam the government. Fine, you do it. Ask them about, which government should then come to power, they’ll say- “Let’s remove these bunch of idiots. And then we’ll see.”

Absolutely wonderful.

Some people are talking because they feel hapless. This is one moment of which they can take advantage, in a hope that their stories of terror and horror would be heard. And perhaps- the only hope that may be their  attackers would meet their justice. Then there is another brigade- who watch silently. Perhaps they have defaulted in some way. Perhaps, someone close to them has been traumatized some day, somewhere.  And then there is a category- which will not be recognized as rape.. because it is unnatural..

Yes- man raping a woman is rape! What would you then say about- woman raping a man, a man raping a man, a woman raping a woman??!

That- Now that is not rape? How many such incidents happen. Are we even aware of it? What is rape?- A rape is a ‘sexual act forced’ by one human being on another human being, irrespective of gender, caste, race, country, etc. But we see, only women case coming to the light.. or sometimes not coming to the light.. shaming them publicly…

And there lies my argument. In our global world, with special mention to India, because I live here… ‘woman’ being raped is a darling subject. However, what we forget is rapes can happen with anybody, anyone. Men, who rape of women can also be raped. It’s not that rapes happen only to women. Women are soft targets. May be! But that doesn’t mean men are not raped.

Don’t believe me?? Consider these:

  • About 10% of rape victims are men
  • Findings From the National Violence Against Women Survey, US points out that 71% of male victims were first raped before their 18th birthday; 16.6% were 18-24 years old, and 12.3% were 25 or older
  • Human Rights Watch Report suggests that 22% of male inmates have been raped at least once during their incarceration; i.e. around 420,000 prisoners each year.

Seem foreign statistics, consider this media report:

An India man in Dehradun was raped by a gang of girls. Full rport here (

Case can be held legitimate that any body can rape anyone? That men can rape women and women can rape men? The ratio of women raping men might be less. But that doesn’t mean the problem doesn’t exist.

Now what does this mean.  Are we obsessed with sex? Are we sadists, who take pleasure in troubles and cries of others?  Perhaps, the problem lies here. The problem is with one word ‘sex’ and our definition of ‘sex’ , ‘rights and wrongs.’

Sex is for men. Sex is not for women. Women can’t enjoy sex. Women can’t pleasure themselves. It is men’s right to have sex. Men are superior to women. Right? No! The definition problem is not with sex, but the problem lies in the human brain. That one human being is superior to other. That, human being is superior to another on the basis of sex, caste, education, gender, occupation, age, experience and etc. etc. That since one human being has an advantage over other human being in some or the other form, therefore he has the right to tell you what is wrong or what is right. Since he is superior to you in experience and age, he knows the ways of the world. Since, he is superior to you in terms of occupation, status and money, he can say whatever he wants and do whatever he pleases. Since, he is superior to you gender wise- you are supposed to cook, you are supposed to take care of the family, or not wear short skirts.

We cry out loud – when someone said- Chowmein causes men to rape?! Oh! Is it really? Then who asked you to eat chowmein, don’t eat it. The Chinese and Americans, might give you to eat noodles, fries and Chowmein. But god or whoever, your biological conditions rather, have given you brains. Use them! Don’t eat chowmein, if you think, it causes rapes! For god sake, it is so clear- It is not about superiority or being meek as it is about owning up. We human beings- Just don’t want to be responsible.

The beautiful city is full of garbage. Government at fault. Balika Vadhu tops the K-Serial charts. Ekta Kapoor is to be blamed. Kids talk rudely to parents. Western culture influence. You get pimples. Blame the junk food. You are being mistreated, under underutilized or over utilized at work- blame your colleagues. The world did not end, blame the mayans! Rape happens- blame the chowmein.

But, conveniently, we are not at fault. We did not do anything, it is always the responsibility of the government, the prime-minister, etc. etc. If you argue logic, they will say “why have we elected them. What have we voted them for?” Just electing them, voting for them doesn’t put an end to your responsibilities. You want to end a brutality like rapes, here’s what we can do collectively together:

1. Sex education at the grass-roots: Tell your 10 yr olds- Sex is not an object of gratification. It is a need. So fulfill it. Don’t be ashamed to talk about it in a meaningful way.

2.Respect the other human-being: You have a need, ok. But you don’t have to kill other person to achieve your need. Always ask. Don’t force.

3.Injustice doesn’t have criteria: Injustice happens with a human being, irrespective of gender, caste, religion, nationality, etc.

4. You are responsible: We live in a civilization. Every action has a reaction. Voting and electing people doesn’t mean you are free. Making sure that they do your work for which you elected them is even bigger a responsibility. You are as much as responsible for anything that happens, as much as your government.

5. Stop the blame-game- Yes, stop blaming the government. You are as imperfect as your government. You are as imperfect as your country. Everyone is responsible. We are responsible to each other. Paying taxes, doesn’t mean end of the world.

Yes, it is the responsibility of the government of to punish the criminals. But as a part of the society, it is your responsibility to stop manufacturing your criminals. Stop pleasing everyone. Stop talking about ‘issues’ only when things happen.

Stop blaming the government now and take action. Kids, talk to your parents about sex. Parents talk to your kids about practicing safe-sex. Talk to your kids about who are lesbians, gays, bi-sexuals, cross-dressers. Tell your boys and girls, how to protect themselves. Tell them, the hazards of raping each other. Tell them about ‘self-respect’, tell them about ‘respecting each other’s opinions’, voice and thoughts.

Tell them, why there are women reservations, why there are six seats reserved in a bus compartment. Why some women feel that there should be no reservations because they are equal. Tell them, why some feminists feel a contradiction. Tell them, why some men make faces, when told them about ‘ladies seat’, or ‘ladies special trains’.

Tell your boys and girls, moms and dads that ‘why rape shouldn’t be shameful.’ Tell them that rape is not invited. Tell them that ‘rapes don’t happen because of clothes. But because of mindsets.’

Tell them- “Talk! Speak up, if you are raped or someone tries to. Because it is not shameful. It is our right to protect ourselves and loved ones.”

Tell- “We don’t marry to have sex and procreate or keep our generations -to-generations alive. We are together, because we live each other. We human beings need love and someone to take care of and to be taken care of. ”

Tell them,  talk now! Take action. Tweet to vent your anger. But, simultaneously, contribute to your society, your family.

Get your ideas clear and pass them on to your people- kids, families, friends, colleagues, irrespective of sex.

And see the world change—– to be a better place!


2 thoughts on “You save yourself..or….

  1. Utopian Ideals.. but then, the society needs to sit up and notice that we have a problem and we need to deal with it. Good write up, girl!

    • Thanks for visiting my blog and taking time to read the article Saran. Some quick points:

      1. A rape is a rape. Rape is not gender-specific. Anybody can be raped.
      2. What happened is not about Delhi or any other city. It is about how safe is the earth to live on for any gender
      3. Let us stop putting the blame on any one else. Let us for once, own up for whatever happens to us.

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