Over a period of last two-three years, I have come to a phase of stormy changes. The first ever change was that there is never a right or wrong! Fuck! This was the biggest and rudest shock. So all my life I have been told that do no wrong, do the right thing, this is wrong and this is right and all of a sudden my eyes open and my brain shouts- “There is no right or wrong.”
I have also come to realize that we are at our unnerving best, when we are challenged. This was one of those moments. I couldn’t take it. I sometimes feel that I still can’t. Sure there is some theory to it. For example, what is good to me, may be bad for you and vice versa. Meaning everything is subjective and everything is relative. What the fuck!
Sometimes I feel this is manipulation according to convenience. I don’t understand. The truth is the definitions keep changing according to our convenience and in what spot we are in. At such times, how do you take decisions? So apparently, this is learning. What is the use of a ‘learning’ when all the thing does to you is hurt you or the worse- confuse you.
My head has apparently accepted it and asks me to manipulate things, people, situations accordingly. But the heart keeps on saying “Why hurt them.” “What if this happens to you.” If you take a close look at what I have said, it seems that most of these thoughts stem from FEAR. “Fear” of losing something, fear of letting something go…
And if you analyse the emotion “fear” you realize that it is perhaps one of the strongest /weirdest/ flaming because it is induced by something or someone – meaning external factors.
What do you think??
You read the title..? You got it right and you read it right now. More than being happy, I am fuming right now. To the extent, that I am cursing myself for taking probably this “best decision” of my life. I truly believe that I have found a person who I can love and expect love in return. But this best decision of my life is turning out to be the worst stress of my life.
Weddings are supposed to be full of fun, grandeur, happiness and joy. And especially if you are looking at an Indian wedding, everything turns out to be 2 X of the adjectives I mentioned. But what most of the times goes unnoticed is the stress it brings to the wedding birds. In my case, I would like to stick to myself because I am being driven nuts.- Reason- ego clashes, hatred and chaos and all thanks to stupid customs in the Indian society. People are fighting because they want to gift “materials” and my mom is asking for cash presents. And I am against any gifts – cash or kind.
My aunties are fighting because they want to wear “nine-yard” sarees, but my mom asks them not to as the bride’s mom wont look any different from others. They fight because the bride can’t do the make up during the saat pheras as it is an early morning wedding. They fight because they can’t decide who will be the ‘bridesmaid.’ They fight because the bride wants to decide on her own mehndi design, her own wedding card, her trousseau colour, etc.
Right now, I am feeling like I am not getting married but in some kind of a sale, where everybody else decides what the bride or groom needs to do. Bride’s mother tells her – where to go for honeymoon, why to go, when to go, who should spend the kharcha and all.
For god’s sake- We are getting married. We are not kids. Can’t you understand this simply? We understand that it’s a big day to you. But it’s a big event in our lives too. Why do parents especially Indian parents simply don’t understand this?
Tired of my rants myself, I just have one simple thing to say to myself….
Dear Deepika- Que Sera Sera…..